How's your sex life right now? Whether your single, paired, or polyamorous, we hear there's a lot of kinky things going on while in quarantine. Coronavirus might've shaken up our daily lives, but nothing can stop horny Americans from hooking up. We applaud our countrymen. We've got to get through this somehow, and orgasms can be a boon to our mental health and wellbeing.
From exploding sex toy sales to Zoom sex to "quarantine and chill"–everyone is WFH'ing and getting off. If you're looking to spice up your socially distanced life, we've got some ideas.
Starting with our personal interest: sex toy sales. The pandemic might be sending us to the verge of a depression, but the sex toy business is booming. A recent New York Times article explored how some online sex toy shops have more than doubled their sales since everyone began sheltering in place. A study by the Kinsey Institute has shown that 1 in 5 people in the United States has stepped outside their sexual comfort zone while quarantining.
To us, this makes sense. There is no better time to experiment than when you're bored at home. If you're single and new to sex toys, we suggest starting with a vibrator and working your way up the sex toy chain from there. Maybe buy a new toy every time the United States hits a high in daily new cases. (We're kidding, the longer this pandemic goes on, the worse our sense of humor).
If you're in a relationship, treat this time as an opportunity to test new boundaries in your sex life. Make sure you're also tending to your love life and connection with your partner–set date nights even if it's dinner at home so that you both spend some time connecting emotionally.
If you're single and looking for a sex partner, we suggest all the classics: Tinder, Bumble, Hinge. It's nice to know you're not alone in looking for love during the time of coronavirus as you're swiping all those faces.
No one has made a coronavirus-centric dating app that we know of (yet), but someone has made a "Sext Bunker" for anyone "down to sext" on the dating app Feeld. Sexting is the perfect next step after connecting with anyone on an app. It reveals tendencies and interests and compatibility–along with conversational chemistry. Just make sure it doesn't become all you do with this new beau (unless that's all you want). We highly suggest following up on a good sext session with a Zoom date (x-rated or otherwise). We have some recommendations for great first lockdown date ideas here.
Finally, if you're eager for in-person sexual contact, there are some options. COVID-19 has created a whole new definition of 'safe sex.' No longer just a condom and a conversation, safe sex nowadays increasingly involves face masks, coronavirus tests, or an agreed-upon quarantine period before a first-time hookup. Yes, face masks. Harvard researchers recommend it. Health departments recommend it. In specific kinky fantasies, it certainly could work.
For those who'd rather stay social distancing, we have a guide to coping without physical touch.
Americans aren't the only horny ones in lockdown. Premier Daniel Andrews has ordered that all people arriving in Australia from out of the country go into quarantine for two weeks in a tax-payer funded hotel stay. Melbourne's quarantine hotels have been embroiled in a scandal after a coronavirus outbreak occurred due to security guards having sex with quarantined Australians.
These quarantine hotels might not be the best solution, but we know something for certain–if they come to the United States, we'll be writing a parody of Hotel California called "Hotel Quarantine."